Last week was spring break, and my daughter was off with my husband for 3 days of it. On Friday, finally, after 4 years of procrastinating, I got around to filing our petition for re-adoption for our son. Something about the paperwork and the complex instructions, and the metal detector at the courthouse, and losing yet another keyring Swiss Army knife to security, and having the filing clerk question my documents, something in there made me feel really inadequate or stupid or something else. Then I went and met up with my family at the post office to apply for passports for the kids. Despite having my huge book of paperwork including several copies each of my and my husband's birth certificates and marriage certificate, I did not have a copy of Kyra's birth certificate. I could not convince the passport clerk or her boss that I didn't need this according to the instructions on the internet. Again with the feeling stupid or inadequate or inept, or some other "in-" prefix feeling. Sigh.
So between that and the lay off this week, I've been in an ice cream spiral of despair. Well, maybe I wouldn't go that far. I'm actually OK about losing my job. I've been trying to get up the backbone or something to leave. What I really wanted was to get a fantastic job and leave with no notice. Well, that can't happen now, what with the severance packet I have waiting at the end of the rainbow.
It doesn't help that I have this cold that makes food taste like paste (so I keep trying to see if it tastes better...)
Well, I know that ice cream won't find me a job, that expanding over my waistline while job hunting will just make me feel more inadequate and useless and unwanted. Still, there is that other half a pint of ice cream... Maybe just one more serving...
4 comments:
did your Grandmother, tell you that chocolate malts could solve all problems inclueding a broken toe? I still seem to beleve this
mussing
No, it was my mom that connected treats with food for me. Comfort food is where I turn when I feel sad or inadequate or depressed--or feel like celebrating, for that matter. And to make matters worse, we always had a lot of treats around, and I got the mixed message that I shouldn't eat them because I'd be prettied "just five pounds lighter"...
Sory about the message about not eating. My grandmother was heavy and I just always assmued that all grandmother should be heavy also.
My My how just living can mess you up.
Not a problem. My grandmother was large but vain, and basically started the mixed messages in our family. So I'm working hard to "break the cycle", but it's scary what can come out of your mouth without thinking about it. My daughter is getting a bit...stocky and I continually have to not react negatively.
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