Exercise your civic duty: Vote!

Proudly canceling at least half of my husband's votes since 1995.

Do you get to do early voting? Have you done so yet? Why the hell not?? What's wrong with you?

Oops! Tangent here directed at (fellow) procrastinators! I finally cracked open my Voter's Guide today and did my duty. I will still get to bite my nails another 5 (?!?!?) days, but at least I won't be rushed when making decisions.

Take the time to read your state and local measures carefully. Some of them can be worded very confusingly, and you may end up voting Yes to something you wouldn't do knowingly. Here in Oregon, we have a bunch of measures proposed by this guy Bill Sizemore. I read through the arguments in favor and opposing his measures and they are indeed a slippery slope of confusing wording. 

I voted against a measure to do away with building permits that I know my husband will vote yes for. If you take it at face value it does seem like it's cutting a layer of bureaucracy from making home improvements, but... I think in the end the permits are there for a reason. I looked the other way for our recent improvements, and they had a potential to be really quite stupid if they hadn't worked (namely the support beam we put in the basement: that could have gone quite wrong). And while it is true we were fixing something that was done dangerously and wrong in the first place, it still gives me nightmares. We experienced the permitted way to do remodeling, and while it is true that some of the inspections were basically lip service more than detailed actual inspections, I do believe that permitting has its role. As written, I don't support the measure. Tighten up the wording and I may agree (it does seem dumb to require a permit to build a fence, but wiring and plumbing should probably be left to professionals. No offense, honey!)

Burn After Reading

Have you seen this movie? It's kind of funny, kind of weird. At the very least, it's an interesting look into the lengths one woman will go in order to afford some cosmetic surgery on her "flaws". Now, if I had her figure, I would be happy, but I know it's all in your perspective. She was SOOOOO not fat, but there was a really funny description of her belly fat that I related to (and of course can't remember). Grass=greener, and all that....

There are times that I wish I were a guy...

Guys just seem to have a healthier attitude about their self-image (or perhaps they're just more deluded than chicks are). You just see a lot of guys going around who are...chubby and just don't seem to care or notice. Not fitting in that shirt? Who cares, or conversely, just buy a bigger size. Today while I was shopping I sure wished I had more of a guy's attitude about the whole thing.

I was on the hunt for a new jacket to wear with my current interview outfits. I just wanted a simple black jacket that was a bit classier than a blazer, something a bit fitted but buttonable, and nothing too trendy or fussy. You would think that I'm asking for a lot considering the crap that is out there! I felt like I was in an episode of "I Love Lucy" where Lucy is wearing maternity swing tops. Lots of poofy sleeves and not fitted lines and short or three-quarter sleeves. Well, actually I started to like the 3/4 sleeves: my best interview dress is short sleeved, so I can get away with that. Other ugly trends: belted jackets, heavy jackets made of really textured wool.

One problem I was having was, bluntly enough, my boobs. OK, two problems, if you must get all picky on me. Somehow I have managed to still fit in my current size even though I'm at my high weight. Usually I would be an 18 at this weight. Kind of weird, actually. So trendy clothing doesn't come in this size, normally. Ann Taylor tops out at 14. Nordstrom's fancy department topped out at 12. Not wanting to get stuck in the jackets, I didn't even bother trying on anything under a 14. I ended up with a very comfortable one button black jacket (size 16) on sale for well under $100. Considering the crap I saw for upwards of $500, not a bad deal at all. It's kind of a bolero style with full length sleeves and a crepey texture to it. Nice.

Anyway, after an afternoon of a lot of rejects and a lot of peering at myself in mirrors, you would expect some kind of fallout, but no. I'm doing OK. No treats were purchased on the way out of the mall, not even a little one. Yay me!

Other good choices

More things I did right this weekend:

• I stopped eating when I got full at dinner Sat. night, even after viewing the dessert menu (which included a truly intriguing almond ice cream).
• I refrained from buying anything sweet at the store on the way home, also.
• I had just one goodie while at the pumpkin patch store: I was sorely tempted to get a caramel apple to go and I didn't. (OK, I am obsessing a bit over recreating that in the future, but whatever...)
• I didn't order anything to eat at trivia last night, despite it all smelling really yummy, because I just wasn't hungry (that may have had something to do with my pumpkin patch treat not agreeing with me: I really need to think harder about getting tested for food allergies!)
  

• I was super hungry even after dinner later, but all I had for dessert was pretzels.
• I worked out this morning and had a hard-boiled egg for breakfast.
  

So we'll see what giving myself pats on the back instead kicks in the ass will net me for motivation and self esteem...

PS: "The Quibblers" ranked second at trivia last night on our maiden trip as a team. I was a heavy hitter for the team, I'm proud to say.

New day, new mantra

Every day is a new opportunity to be the person you really want to be.

Or something like that. I thought of that on the way home (or I heard it somewhere and I'm taking credit for it). Either way, it is true. I went to WW this morning and weighed in after about 5 weeks off the wagon. Let's just say sigh. Let's just say this is either another reason for me to punish myself or a new day where anything is possible.

Don't laugh so hard. Just because I can always see the dark scary potential of situations doesn't mean I don't have any optimistic or idealistic streaks in me.

Anyway, here's a list of good choices I've made so far today:

• I worked out for 30 minutes
  
• I had 2 hard-boiled eggs and a half a grapefruit for breakfast
  
• I've had 2 glasses of water so far
  
• I went to WW and stayed for the meeting
  

See, I can skip the "but" part or mention the things I did today that I'm not as happy about, but I won't.

You know, when I get really depressed I turn inward. Every delay of a promise or responsibility eats at me until I'm totally hiding and the delayed thing starts to matter to someone other than myself, like a bill paid late. But I was thinking today about things that are out of my control, like the weather, for example, and things that are in my control. I may not be able to control whether I have a craving, but I do have control over whether I give in to the craving or not. I can't make an employer give me a job, but I can control my resume, my knowledge and how I present myself.

I am more than overdue for some soul searching...

Fashion Emergency

I got pulled over by the fashion police yesterday but managed to just get a warning. I had a job fair, and I have been actively avoiding my closet full of dressy  girl clothes. After weeks of on again/off again poor food choices (read: binges) have certainly not helped my physique. So needless to say, when I brought out my usual interview standbys, just one hour before leaving, neither of them fit and one of my jackets is actually dissolving. Hmmmm. I didn't think synthetics did that. Still, wouldn't have fit with or without chunks missing. I managed to cobble together a passable outfit (to which my son exclaimed "You look funny, mommy--too girly!" I am not helping either child have a normal view of adult women, I guess.

So here I am still jobless (the fair was a waste of time, after all that), and in need of a good interview outfit. Do I buy something right off in the size I am, or wait until I have an interview on the chance that I actually stay on program and lose a bit of weight? Decisions, decisions....