Up again. What's up with this whole not being able to go back on the wagon thing?? Oh yeah: depression. Sigh.Anyway, I had a couple of epiphanies this week (is that possible? Can you have more than one epiphany at a time? Different blog post topic...). One was seeing this lovely picture that Kyra took of me a few weeks ago. The irony is that these pants are the same size I've been wearing for a while, yet obviously I am much bigger than you would envision a "size 12" to be. Maybe these are "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" jeans or enchanted or something. You know, if I were comfortable in my own skin, I wouldn't mind so much being chunky. But feeling uncomfortable with the weight. My fat is totally a cliched metaphor. I feel better weighing less. I feel more feminine. I feel sexier. I have less heartburn. But.... Chips Deluxe just came out with Chocolate Malt Chip cookies. And.... But..... Huh?!?! Don't ask me for logic! I am obviously thinking with my self-image basher.
The other epiphany happened at my daughter's swim lesson today. I was zoning out watching a private lesson of an older woman, and I was reminded how much I used to love water. I felt lithe and light and seal-like in the water. I'd stay in the pool until my lips turned blue. It was great. Now...I'm like the anti-Swimmer. I actually went several years without even buying a swim suit. A couple of years ago, due to an impending visit to a water park as part of our vacation, I bought a "swim mini". I hated it. It poufs out around my hips in a weird way. It's not as concealing as I'd hoped. This year, with another water park trip to look forward to, I bought a pair of men's swim shorts.
Side note: why are women's swim shorts cut so tight? Why don't women's swim shorts come with a draw string? Actually, I challenge you to find any comfortable women's shorts that have a draw string. It's a conspiracy!
Anyway, I haven't even tried on the swim shorts. I guess I should prior to the vacation. But the thoughts of how I used to enjoy water are simmering in the back of my head. Maybe I'll do something about that...
2 comments:
I can't get over how you're sitting in a chair with your child in plan sight and yet you are still able to read. What, has he not seen you yet?! Surely that lovely moment was disturbed shortly after that picture was taken. I can see his back is turned.
Men's shorts are more comfy although they tend to be longer in the legs. Annoying. All things about swim wear are annoying but still I'm looking forward to going to the water park. It is an awesome park.
BTW, Lane Bryant had miracle swim suits at 50% off this week!
You are forgetting that I have an older child that Ethan can bug instead of me. Kyra led him in all kinds of adventures this morning while I packed, fed the cats, loaded the dishwasher and downloaded a book into my iPhone. And they didn't get annoyed at each other at all. They must be saving it up for the trip.
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