So I've been planning these vacations with several different friends. I am basically in charge of the planning and paying for my group. Naturally, my sense of "fairness" gene has kicked in, and I have this truly scary and anal spreadsheet going on that of course I shared.
So many thoughts: wish I didn't have to worry about money; is this compulsion to make things even a "Libra" thing, or does it come down to my OCD? Or is it my dad? Where to even begin on this one...
My family, when we were one, had a long standing tradition of nickel and diming (I almost said "dining"; how Freudian) each other to deal in a ritualistic hours long "settling the bill" game. We would go out as our disjointed, separate check, varying stages of life and economic strata to a restaurant. The lower strata would order like ice water and a cup of soup; the higher end would order appetizers and a main course and drinks. Then the check would arrive. The initial proposal: let's split it in half/quarters/whatever. I think not, Mr. Lobster Bisque. And with that, out would come pen and paper or calculators and the game would be on.
Add to this the fact that we all suck at math, and you can imagine the merriment.
So that is my background. It is hard to say, even now (years after my dad's death) how much this impacts my sense of fairness. I just know it's hard to split things still and find the place where it fells fair. And fairness is paramount, for some reason.
I think I'm OK with the division of spending from today. I am going to try really hard to forget over my vacation what the bill was for it. But habits do die hard, and it does seem to be the first thing I share when I bring it up to folks. Sigh.
Other old habits: dinner alone tonight. Didn't have the Marie Callander pot pie; didn't go on a total binge, so yay me. Did have chips and salsa and a sausage and peanuts (and I didn't even want them at that point. Double sigh. Still, tomorrow is another day.
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