Not there yet

Last week, my leader passed out these little forms titled "How on program are you?" I faithfully copied it so I could write on it and have one for next week, and then... nothing. I am not ready to be on program, apparently. In fact I had a little binge this week after some unsavory parenting or job hunting moment already out of my memory. Sigh. More thinking on why I don't really want to be healthier....

Serendipity

Ironically, even with all my eating last week, I somehow lost 2 lbs. Woo hoo! I'll take it! Now to get serious about this getting healthier.

Went for a walk yesterday, albeit a stressful one full of a little boy doing kung fu leaps close to the edge of the path (aka the "Cliffs") and his dad battling with him with sticks.

Had dinner with my sisters celebrating one of their birthdays. It was one of those chi-chi restaurants with tiny portions, so I think I did OK. No dessert there, but came home and had toasted almond gelato. Yum! But now that that's out of my system, back to work on eating healthier.

Is it too late to lose 20 pounds by 7 tonight?

Once more, here it is my high school reunion and I find myself unprepared. I've been cramming all day and still I just don't have a lot of memories. I may bring my year book as a reminder. I've been stressing this event for some time now (at least a week of sleeping poorly)--or maybe it's the job search. At any rate, I had my epiphany last night when I realized that there's no way I can possibly lose weight by tonight, so why sweat it? I was trying on clothing yesterday at a shop and nothing looked good and I looked huge. Why do I keep gaining? It's all fun and games until I have to face other people, which is pretty much every day.

But today I was thinking that even though I'm at my heaviest and I'm unemployed, I really should count my blessings, as it were. Now I'm not usually a blessings counter. In fact if you asked me if I were a glass-half-full gal or glass-half-empty, my response would be to worry if the glass size factored in, and whether it was clear or not. Still, I realize that I'm not divorced, nothing horrific has happened to me, I still have all my teeth and all of my working parts. I have a great family (one of whom is annoying me right now with his squeaky crocs: one guess who that is). Really, I have more good things than bad things right now. So what if I'm fat...

Precarious position

Another vent. Dealing with lapsed prescriptions today, which means I get to feel dumb talking to people on the phone about things I dropped the ball on. Just got myself a bit under control yesterday and managed to avoid some temptations. Today...here I am poised on the brink of feeling really stupid and out of control, so what better to do than to eat something bad! Yes, I know that won't help. And while I know there shouldn't be a connection between feeling stupid and guilty (for not getting a physical earlier in the year when I had an indication that there might be a problem) and going on a food binge, there you have it.

So I think instead I'll have a shower (yes, it is already almost noon: why do you ask??) and brush my teeth. Must get groceries today since we're out of almost everything. Maybe I'll try a new recipe out for dinner. I've got my WW ice cream for a treat.

PS: Miraculously still have 2 mini containers of ice cream in the freezer.

PSS: It occurs to me that if there's a liability issue for a doctor issuing refills for a patient he hasn't seen in 2 years, perhaps he should have written me a letter last year instead of getting stubborn and pissy about it now. Just sayin'....

Venting before I do any damage!

Just have to blow off a little steam in order to not go off on a bender. I've been obsessed lately with a certain game on a certain social network who shall remain anonymous except they are named for a body part.... Anyway, Kyra got me hooked, and Ethan plays as well. I let them have accounts on this network under my supervision, even tho they are not strictly old enough (ehem, cue the guilt over teaching a lesson about working around the system...) I got into the game so much that I created a couple of different personas in order to play more. Well, I finally reach saturation level with the game, after about a week of playing for such long stretches that I didn't eat much, and so decided to dump the extra personas. That started a bunch of redistributing the wealth, so to speak: spending these people's "money" and sending it off as gifts to me and my kids. Furthermore, my zeal in helping them reach game goals had me playing their pets, and adding new network people so as to get more "money".

Yesterday it all backfired on the wrong person: Kyra's account got disable because they suspected her of being a scammer. They said she was accepting people as friends who were not friends. What gave her away? Her account name which is clearly not a person's name, or all the gifts I sent her? Who knows. She has been slapped, but as they say, they are watching her for suspect activity.

Which brings me to my rant. How frigging hypocritical! As I got enmeshed in the game, it came to my attention that people were adding friends indiscriminately, and creating people on this network with goofier names than Kyra's, names like "John SPP", just in order to earn "money" from the training program. How is a last name like an animal less suspicious than a last name of all consonants, I ask?? So irritating!! We're not trying to scam anyone, we play nicely, we give complements and gifts. Other than bending the rules slightly, we're doing nothing wrong, whereas...

And to be clear she is being slapped by the network, not by the game. The game admins acknowledge that people will have multiple accounts, and you get rewarded for having a lot of friends. No way to have 1000+ friends than by accepting the friendship of total strangers.

So the whole thing has soured my experience of this social network. And I feel guilty for possibly getting her in trouble with my overzealous play. So join me in trying not to jump boldly off the wagon to bury my guilt... (On the plus side, my right shoulder has been bugging me more from the increased computer play, so probably just as well I take a little break from the game...)

That was fun!

I took a hooping class with my sister Lisa today. What fun, and what an intense workout! I was sweating up a storm by the time we were done.

Yes, I am talking hula hoop here. The self-proclaimed "Mayor of Hooperville" was on hand to give 15 of us instruction on hooping. After a stretch, she taught us how to keep the momentum going, how to keep it up and get it back up (no comments from the peanut gallery), how to change direction, hoop on our hands, and even pass ourselves through the hoop. I had a blast, so much so that I ordered a hoop. Hopefully I won't break anything in my house when I hoop (it does run away at times from my enthusiasm, or maybe I'm projecting...) Already I feel complaints from muscles I have long since forgotten, and I am expecting bruises on the tops of my hands from the hand hooping.

The class reminded me that I love the challenge of learning movement, that I have trouble doing two things at the same time (walking while hooping, for example: hard...) and if I remember to add music to exercise it becomes much more like play than "work". Added bonus: I found the title to the elusive Jack Johnson song I heard once and could never pinpoint. Yay me!

And now for something completely different: a goal

With 2 short months until my 30th high school reunion, I have been trying, without much success, to climb back on the wagon. I'm all about talk and no do, but this time I might have a good idea. I found an interesting run/walk for October, and I'm going to sign up for it. It's a 10k walk over the Columbia River. Jason seems leery, but I think it's doable.

Activity is usually the last to happen for me and first to go once I get off track. What I'm missing is finding something I enjoy doing. Failing that, I'll take a goal or something to work up to. I can walk. During our meeting last weekend, the leader was talking this up. It is true: walking is cheap and easy and anyone can do it. She also suggested climbing stairs. I found out that I can only climb my stairs at home for about 2.5 minutes. Surely a summer of training will not only make the 10k doable, but lose me some weight, too.

I also am trying to not fall into the same things that end up sabotaging my motivation. My friend just rejoined WW, and we used to have this thing that after the meeting we'd workout, and then go to Starbucks. Needless to say, we weren't just having point-free coffee. So bad launch to the week. This time, instead of eating there, we're going to get a low point coffee and walk around the neighborhood by the WW meeting. Hopefully this will help both of us start the week on a more positive and helpful foot.