That was easy (sorta)

My mood is probably the top thing keeping me off the wagon. This recession has made this one of the worst job searches ever for me, and naturally I have fallen into all the things that trap you and keep you from putting your best foot forward: isolation and depression pretty much making everything seem harder than it really is. From writing a cover letter that begs you to send a resume into the shredder to not wanting to go back to the job search networking group because you have nothing new to say, I have done it all. And none of that makes me care enough to take care of myself.

This week I finally went back to counseling. Low and behold the counselor said a number of things that make so much sense, like everyone is having a hard time finding a job, it's not personal, let the employer decide that I don't qualify for a job rather than paralyzing myself with doubt that I can do it. Just saying some of this stuff out loud is helpful. No doubt, taking that first step is what sent me to food yesterday.

For me it's all about "two steps forward, one step back", or vice verse sometimes. But I'm just calling yesterday a glitch and not letting it steer me back off the wagon. Today I finally called for my 3rd extension of unemployment; as my counselor said they wouldn't have voted it in if people (besides myself) didn't need it.

Most of counseling is not hearing anything new, but hearing from someone else. When I try to tell it to myself, it's often accompanied by judgments and negative statements. And it comes as no surprise that I have a hard time asking for help, whether it's from friends or the state employment division.

For christmas this year I think I'll give myself the gift of letting others help...